week 6: baby’s 90 minute rhythm
I have read two parenting books that I highly recommend to new parents: The Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg and The 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program, by Polly Moore. The basic idea behind both books is that our infants have natural rhythms that you must learn to identify and then leverage to teach them how to eat and sleep like all of us! As the title suggests, the 90 Minute book teaches you to read your child’s cues as she evolves through her 90 minute cycles. Babies can be awake for 90 minutes at a time, or sleeping for 90 minutes at a time, and if you want them to sleep longer you have to teach them how to transition from one 90 minute cycle to the next without waking up. This involves respecting their 90 minute wakeful cycles and not letting them get over-tired, or feeding them mid-cycle.
The Baby Whisperer elaborates on this concept and encourages you to get your children on a 3 hour eat-play-sleep rhythm as soon as possible. This means you need a schedule. I’ve invited my New York friend Amira to write for this blog about her children’s schedules and how she teaches infants to eat well during the day and sleep twelve hours at night.
I should warn you that Amira’s philosophy isn’t to everyone’s liking. I can think of at least two groups of parent advisers who will take issue with some of her methods:
- The first are people concerned with your infant’s weight: pediatrician, midwife, you mom… People like pudgy babies and they will encourage you to fatten your child. As long as your child is growing according to her curve, you need not worry about weight. Your baby can have more efficient feeds: meaning fewer meals but greater milk intake at any meal. If you know your child has just eaten a good meal and she starts to fuss after an hour or so, you can be confident that she’s tired or has another source of discomfort. You don’t have to immediately feed her, as the weight brigade may suggest! At my recent 3 month pediatric visit, my pediatrician confirmed this: when I told her my daughter ate 6 times a day (sometimes 7), and not 8 as she expected, she said - “she’s an efficient feeder!”.
- The second are people who practice “attachment parenting” - for an exaggerated caricature, see the woman played by Maggie Gyllenhall in Away We Go (essential viewing for parents to be!). Their main concern is the emotional well being of your child and they’ll encourage you to sleep with your babies, feed them on cue and carry them. The bible for attachment parents is Dr Sears’ Baby Book. I have a copy on my shelf and I reference it regularly, as there are plenty of great ideas among attachment parents.
However, if I have chosen to feature Amira it’s because I agree with her basic premise: that a framework and consistency are key to your family’s happiness. Notice that I use the word “family” and not only “baby”. You have to design a life that works for everyone, not just the baby!
Maternity 33: What’s your schedule for a newborn?
Amira:I truly believe in schedules. It’s my way of keeping some element of control in the chaotic world of child rearing. I liked to feed every three hours from wake up till bedtime with one extra bottle in the late afternoon. Because I had the luck to have someone who could feed my baby a bottle of pumped milk in the middle of the night, I pumped in the morning after I had fed him, so I could express all the extra milk, and maintain a good milk supply. I also pumped before going to bed, around 10PM, after I did a dream feed. A dream feed is a great tip from the Baby Whisperer: it involves feeding the baby while he is swaddled and asleep, lights still dimmed, so that he is full for longer. I did this till my baby was 6 months old. The feeding schedule was closely linked to a napping schedule. In my opinion, a baby will not drink well unless she is well rested. I followed the following pattern: feeding, active time, nap time, so that the baby did not associate nursing with sleeping. I like naps that last a good hour and a half. This means I occasionally woke up my baby while he was napping, and before I knew it, he had an amazingly precise napping schedule, often to the minute!
Maternity 33 peanut gallery comment: I followed Amira’s schedule as best I could, with two modifications from my own experience and lifestyle. 1) If my baby had been up a lot the previous night, I would let her sleep in the morning, so the first feeding of the day would vary from 7:00 to 8:30 AM, and I’d set the 3 hour rhythm clock from then on. There is definitely something to the 3 hour clock: baby gets time for a nap and time to build and appetite. 2) I dropped the dream feed around 2 months. I’m an early sleeper; I get my best sleep before 3AM, so I like to be in bed by 10:00, even earlier if I can. I also personally need a solid break from baby caring and I wanted it from 8PM to 10:30PM. I still pump before going to bed (while reading a book, writing in my journal). This ensures that I am not woken up by swelling breasts and I can hold back from feeding baby before the sun rises.
Maternity 33: how did you wean your baby from night time feeding?
Amira: In the first few months, I fed him at night. I stopped at two and half months. I used the Ferber sleep training method. This is something that parents can be uncomfortable with, but it’s the best thing you can do for you and your baby. Also, the later you try, the harder it will be. I know mothers who have waited till their child was one year old: at that time, she is standing and screaming, throwing tantrums and possibly throwing up to get you back into the room. A younger infant is much easier to sleep train and, in my experience, much happier for it. Give him a lovey (I use soft and small ones, and my child likes to bury his cheek in it and sniff it), swaddle him in a light blanket and allow him to fuss. The best time to start training is at bedtime, after a warm bath, a massage and milk. Do not let him fall asleep on the breast. A baby will look for whatever it was that put him to sleep last. So if he is put to sleep by rocking, he will expect more to put him back to sleep. If he is put to sleep awake, he will recall what he did to soothe himself and it will be easier for him to fall back asleep. It took me one night for my older son and three for my younger son (each night was easier, but I did have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry with my older son). Just do not give in and feed him after he has cried, as it will defeat the work your baby put in. My doctor once told me that when a baby cries he is mad, upset, protesting, but not necessarily sad. These nights were by far the hardest thing to do with my infants, but also the best. Now, I just put my kids to bed after reading them a story and singing their favorite lullaby, tell them goodnight, walk out, and they sleep till morning.
Maternity 33 peanut gallery comment: My daughter is 14 weeks and she still wakes up at night; once, sometimes twice. We soothe her, but we don’t feed her before 6AM, occasionally 5:30 if I am too tired to try my soothing technique. Because I can’t let me infants cry too long, I’ve definitely got caught up in the unfortunate cycle Amira describes above.We have this crazy bouncy ball routine: we swaddle her, hold her tight in our arms and bounce on a big ball until she falls asleep. It can take as little as 5 minutes, or as long as 30 minutes, but then she is back off for a 90mn or 3 hour sleep cycle. Hmm, maybe we’ll try something new, like start adjusting our soothing technique as we did with our son: swaddle less, bounce till he is relaxed but not asleep and then let him fuss and fall asleep on his own. We did this when our son was six month old, but our circumstances are different now: we have two children (hence less energy to bounce at night!), and our daughter has been a much better sleeper since day 1.
Maternity 33: what do you say to people who think your child is hungry when he
cries at night?
Amira: A baby quickly adjusts his eating cycle, just as we do. If we woke up for a midnight snack, we would probably expect it every night. We are creatures of habit, but we also need restful sleep. Infants, unlike adults, are incredibly efficient eaters. They know exactly when to stop eating. If they don’t eat at night, they will catch up during the day.I feed every 3 hours from the beginning of the last feeding, a good 15 to 20 mins on each breast for the first two months (after 2 months my babies become more efficient at drawing milk from the breast). I wake my baby up during the day to feed him and I pump daily to have an extra bottle to feed him in the late afternoon, between two feeds. Pumping keeps up my milk supply and a bottle a day ensures that your child is flexible and can switch easily from bottle to nipple. Don’t give more than a bottle a day though, as your baby may go on a nursing strike.
Maternity 33 peanut gallery comment: I totally agree with Amira on hunger
vs. starving. Even small infants need time to digest properly and build their
appetite. If you feed them too often they get stomach cramps and are never
fully satisfied as they don’t ever drink a nice big meal. On her first night
on earth my daughter slept 6 consecutive hours at night and she has continued
to do this since, gradually lengthening her night time sleep. That convinced
me that even babies want a break in the arduous job of putting on calories]
Maternity 33: Anything else you want to add?
Amira: breastfeeding doesn’t need to be a hassle. I am a stay at home mom, but I am active and I leave my infant at home for a workout, run errands, activities with my older son and date nights with my husband. Some people assume that breast feeding negates scheduling. This doesn’t have to be true and I want to encourage women to breast feed, because it’s the best milk for your baby’s immunity.
Maternity 33: I sometimes think breast feeding is annoying. When my son was small I felt so worried anytime I was away from him (which I did daily, for my sanity!) for fear that he would starve. With my daughter I’ve had mastitis twice and it did make me wonder whether I should wean earlier than planned. Yet, I agree with Amira about the importance of mother’s milk for protecting your infant from unnecessary illness. And trust me when you discover how many annoying illnesses your toddler brings home you’ll be happy to have at least one person in the family happy and healthy!
Thank you Amira!
Amira is a lawyer and writer living in NYC. She is currently working on bringing a toddler play space franchise to Dubai.
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