week 15: new year’s resolutions
A decade ago, when we were fresh college graduates, my sister said: “the thing about Stanford grads is that nothing is ever good enough for them”. She was referring to youthful conversations about first jobs, graduate schools and dream careers and she observed that my friends had a tendency to describe their current situation as a stepping stone towards a bigger and brighter future. Since then, I have regularly thought about her astute observation and attempted to change my attitude, focusing on the job at hand and enjoying it for what it is: a piece of my life never to be lived again. It’s not easy and I’ve fallen into the stepping stone mentality more than once since then. As one of my graduate school mentors wittily remarked upon hearing me long for the end of my PhD years: “sooner or later it will be over, just like life”.
New year’s resolutions have been my way to focus on what I have today. Every year I choose three areas of change or growth and I pursue them as earnestly as possible for twelve months. I recently realized that this habit is pretty unusual: having talked about it with several people I found that they don’t do this. Yet I’m convinced that it can make one a happier and calmer person. Perhaps the following illustrations will incite you to try…
My resolutions usually target big chunks of my life, like career, children or relationship. They can be vague and subjective - “this year, I will have more fun with my children”, or very specific - “this year I will try to have another child” (last year’s resolution, don’t worry!). Some are too personal to share here. Others are professional: “I will commit to my current job for another year”.
I love this process because it is both ceremonial and practical.
It’s ceremonial as I make some time at the end of each year to reflect on the past 12 months and imagine a fulfilling course for the next year. I then write the three resolutions in a little leather bound book that I have kept throughout the years.
It’s practical because it keeps me from erring down unproductive roads when I’m having a bad day or bad week. I am less vulnerable to doubts about my chosen professional path, and less prone to blow up when things get hectic at home (and I have a tendency to blow a fuse). I’m also more likely to try something new as I see it as an opportunity to further my resolution.
My favorite resolution to date was one for 2010: “I will use my maternity leave to feed my creative and professional instincts”. The next few blog entries will be about initiatives I took in line with this resolution.
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